an aromantic's guide to romance

Oh gosh. I created an account just to leave a comment on this; I remember reading it a year ago, and something about it felt so raw. It hurt. I cried. I'm reading it now, a year later, and I'm still tearing up.

There are so many things I love about this, where do I begin? Every word you wrote reads like poetry. There is this cadence that I love. Each scene was gripping, and it's amazing how you managed to fit so much emotion and detail in only a select few scenes. I apologise for this long comment. I'm putting a limit on myself, otherwise I would have analysed every sentence and told you what exactly I loved about it and this comment would be tens of thousands of words long.

So, starting with this, which was what made me tear up:

"The restaurant is dim, and there’s a candle at the table for two. “This could be a date,” you say, to the person opposite you, whom you love more than anyone else in the world.

“Isn’t it?” they say.

Open your mouth, and close it, and try not to cry."

It punched me right in the heart. In just a few short sentences you managed to capture the heartbreak and horror of just - this is your best friend, and you'll upend the world for them if you could, and they don't reciprocate that love. They want something that's not for you. How do you reconcile that?

There's this too:

"It’s Valentine’s Day.

Go home."

Something about this was just painful. It's valentine's - of course no one would spend time with you. That entire scene was beautiful. The warmth and friendship of the first few paragraphs, of what could have been, only for the last two sentences to hit you right where it hurts. It's so good.

Ohhhhhh. Just. This entire story, you hit the nail right on the head. Your love for your friend isn't romantic. This probably means it's less, worth less, and one day they'll leave you and you'll be relegated to second. A priority, but a priority after their lover. Will you ever be first? Will anyone ever put you first? Do you need a lover to be worth it?

But one thing I love the most is that it ends with a kind of hope:

"Romance is a kind of love. It’s not the only one, or the grandest one, or the most important one, but it’s the most visible one, and it’s the only one that doesn’t want me back.

I think I’m alright with that. Or at least, I will be. I have to be."

I find myself returning to this paragraph time and time ago. It's so beautifully written and very well said. Romance isn't the only kind of love! Is the ground-breaking, earth-shattering love I feel for my friends and family worth less because it isn't romantic? No! Romance isn't the only kind of love that shapes the world! And the gradual acceptance at the end was particularly therapeutic.

And this message at the end:

"i think that anti-romance is a kind of love, a queer kind, a stronger kind than romance"

Nothing I ever type will properly articulate my full thoughts on this, but I love it. So much. And the author's note at the end fills me with so much hope. I'm not there yet, but I will be. I will!

I'm not sure if you would see this comment, but thank you so much for writing this! It was relatable, heartbreaking, and healing all at once, and I wanted to let you know that I really appreciated your words. This is one of those few pieces of writing that I don't think will ever leave me.

I apologise once again for this long comment, but I mean it. Really, thank you for your words.

Really beautifully written and deeply relatable. Thank you for writing and sharing this.